Tree Climber

Just taking a little break, as you do. 😴

Inclusion

My daughter is three and attends a special needs preschool in Utah. My sister works as a special education preschool teacher in a different district in the state. Both of these situations have given me increased understanding of the special education environment. Utah traditionally has large class sizes across the board. This presents challenges for typical classrooms, and even greater challenges for special education classrooms. Each student in a Spec Ed class has their own Individualized Education Plan (IEP). IEPs are incredibly detailed and individualized, with specific intellectual, social, and even physical goals set for each person. Finding resources to adequately meet these goals is challenging in the best of circumstances. Teachers are tasked with an overwhelming amount of documentation and meetings (and occasionally home visits) involved with their positions, to say nothing of in-class instruction or maintaining a safe environment for a highly vulnerable population during this pandemic. From what I understand, the Jordan School District believes that consolidating programs will improve the educational opportunities of students by combining resources. I have seen firsthand through both my sister’s experiences as a teacher in such an environment and in my daughter’s own busy classroom that this is an inaccurate and limiting perspective. The more students a teacher is responsible for, especially when special needs and education plans are considered, the LESS time, attention, and resources are available for students.
The classroom environment resulting from combing the Spec Ed programs of multiple high schools can only result in more overcrowding and inadequacies. Utah classrooms are traditionally large in size, which is detrimental for typical students—it is much more demanding for students and teachers in a Spec Ed classroom. I am deeply disappointed that this is being promoted as a way to improve these students’ educational experience when anyone who has been in a Spec Ed classroom knows the taxing and overwhelming conditions that already exist.
Critical as these considerations are, none of this addresses the equally significant problems that withdrawing these programs will wreak upon the stability and social environments of these students and the growth opportunities available to their peers. At a time in our nation when polarization and discrimination are the worst they have been in years, why would you choose to remove students who in the majority possess the unique ability to love without barriers and inspire love as well? Why would you choose to set the example of segregation rather than compassion and effort for typical-developing students who need these lessons most at this time? This is a time when we need to give more effort, not less. We need to build up support systems in every special needs program in Utah both for the academic wellbeing of our special needs students, and the social wellbeing of our communities.

Representation

I wrestle a lot with sharing images of my kids on the internet, yet I keep choosing to do it. There are many reasons why, but Lydie is a huge part of it. She brings purity and joy that the world needs. I often get messages that an image or video of her has lifted someone, and I am grateful for the opportunity we have to do that. In addition, I want other special needs families who receive an unexpected diagnosis like we did to find a real world source they can look to & find hope and compassion in. But I don’t post these images just to help other people feel good—I also post them FOR Lydia. I hope that through these insights into our life that individuals with special needs become REAL to you. That I can pass on the gift of seeing differently that Lydia has given me and that has changed me for the better. I hope you don’t just come and smile, but that you leave and love. That’s the whole goal. 💛

Favorite Place

My favorite place to be is with my people exploring nature in the land on “no service.” We took a very quick overnight (in-state) trip for Spring Break. We stayed at an Airbnb & wandered around wide open spaces—covid precautions that I could live with forever. My very favorite part was introducing Lydia to swimming in a pool—she had no idea that bath time had a next level 😅 It’s good to set down the bag of worries & just live in the moment. Looking forward to so much more of this. #am_twoboys

Peak Childhood

Dear child, go play in dirt & nature. Yes, please; thank you, yes. 🌱

Beauty

My pretty Lydie girl.

Sweetest Face

I have shared this in other places but it needs its own square.
I took one of my lenses in to the shop this week and the person who serviced it took the opportunity to educate me about calibration & didn’t charge me for his work. I was so grateful! Especially since the lens was deemed unreliable for all client work. 😭💔💸 @kylaewert don’t you have one that you refer to as your “Most expensive paperweight”? Yeah, that. 😂😭

Spring Thaw

This is my spring face 😄

Just Two Buddies

Mom is recovering from a migraine so Dad is taking her to preschool today. They will have fun 🤗

Out of the House!

We got out a couple times this weekend and I am coming back to liiiiiiiiiiiife!! 🙌🏻🌱🌞

Client Work

Hello 2021! Yes I am taking clients again! 🎉 I am offering family lifestyle (guided poses/activities), documentary (unposed day in the life style), and adventure (you pick a favorite place/activity and I come along and capture what happens) sessions! This family was too beautiful not to give a place on my main feed. 😍 You can visit @anniemangelson_families for more of my client work.

Slide!

We have been learning how to go down the slide 🤗 She is really timid about it—look at those clenched fists! But we bribe her with something interesting at the bottom & Dad or Mom stands by for encouragement (and sometimes a nudge or we might stay at the top forever 😉). Her proud face when she does something new though is the beeeest. 🥰 #misslydiefaith

No Shoes

Tale of a girl who takes her shoes off in the car everywhere we go. She’s not crying here, just perplexed. I am probably crying, however, because it really cramps my already-running-late-everywhere-I-go style. 😜

Social Connections

When I was growing up, motherhood was highly romanticized. I wish it hadn’t been. I wish it had been respected, instead—and for me respect involves acknowledging hard and the efforts that go into overcoming hard. It’s not about the number of kids you have, how many extracurriculars they excel at, how clean your house is, or how many casseroles you drop off. It’s about how big your love is and how hard you keep trying. That’s it. And motherhood is hard. We should acknowledge that. Because there’s a whole lot of women who anguish every day over the well-being of their little people. I’m grateful to social media confession culture for at least showing me I’m not alone every once in awhile, as well as for the occasional reminders to shower. 😉

Been trying to curb my Amazon purchases. Missing my frequent trips to the mailbox which became a weird cheery feature of pandemic life. But, you know, fiscal responsibility and all that jazz 😜 Good thing spring is coming so we’ll have other happy things calling us outside.

Happy World Down Syndrome Day 2021!

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

Look at this progress!! And swipe through for a great recap of the process and how we feel about it. 😆

As we left preschool last week, Lydia and I walked down the hall towards the school doors like we always do. As we got closer to the outside doors, I noticed that her legs were turning to jello--she had worked so. hard. in class that day. Crawling through tunnels, pushing a baby doll in a stroller, walking a lap around the halls with minimal support, and then all the general play toddlers do, besides. I took pity and swung that girl up on my hip. "Lydie, you did SO GOOD today! Do you like preschool?" She answered with a grin, and her happy babble.

Of all the beautiful emotions this child brings out in me, one of the greatest is respect--incredible respect. I see in her an eternal spirit that came to earth to a body with some challenges, but she takes those challenges head on and always has. She has to work several times harder for skills we all take for granted. I'm sure it's frustrating and exhausting but she is one determined little fighter and she persists! With a smile on her face and love in her heart for everyone. And it's paying off. I was working out the other day thinking how uncomfortable exercise is... but then I thought of Lydie; her current fight to walk, and the many other battles she wages. Respect. Suddenly the ability to move my body was a privilege instead of a chore, and, like so often happens, my daughter was inspiring me and helping me grow, instead of the other way around.

She's not quite walking independently yet, but she stands for short periods of time, and she has started refusing the two-hand assist and will only let us hold ONE hand, so I imagine we're not too far off. 😀

Self Doubt

There are conversations that go on behind the scenes—mostly just in my head. “Am I doing it right?” I happen to belong to 2 groups—photography & special needs—that each have a large presence on social media. It is common for members of both groups to either seek or amass large numbers of followers on their social media accounts. For business, for art, for advocacy. I have often wondered what my purpose is in this space and if/how I belong here. As I watch some people shine in the spotlight as thousands of viewers flock to their feeds, strange thoughts fill my head... “Are my pictures not light and airy enough?” “Should I ditch the artsy stuff and dedicate 100% of this feed to Lydia?” “Am I too moody & emotional and it turns people off?” The funny thing is, I have answers to why I do what I do. I create art that ignites my imagination & fits my creative style—which is largely spontaneous and fiercely obstinate about the everyday beauty being enough. I share my boys, my husband, my words, in addition to Lydia because this is my account and my story—I don’t want to take over her voice, use her as a means, or ignore every other aspect of our lives besides Down syndrome. I’m moody in editing and content because I have a melancholy soul 😂 Kidding. That’s just what we jokingly call it. Really, I appreciate the light AND the shadows, the lessons that come from difficult experiences, & above all authenticity. Turns out none of this makes me a blockbuster IG influencer. That can be painful when I see families I know jump from 1,000 followers to 25,000; when the popular DS mamas have get togethers and it’s documented on 5 accounts, when photographer friends make $$$ and host panels on Clubhouse for the masses. I haven’t decided if I just don’t have enough hustle, if I need lessons in social appeal, or if I just walk my own unique path.
BUT then I remind myself of my goals: make things that help me recognize the beauty in my own world; help others understand multiple real aspects of knowing/living with someone with special needs; have an outlet for my forms of creative expression; & finally, share with those it resonates with. So if you are here for that, for me, thanks.