There are conversations that go on behind the scenes—mostly just in my head. “Am I doing it right?” I happen to belong to 2 groups—photography & special needs—that each have a large presence on social media. It is common for members of both groups to either seek or amass large numbers of followers on their social media accounts. For business, for art, for advocacy. I have often wondered what my purpose is in this space and if/how I belong here. As I watch some people shine in the spotlight as thousands of viewers flock to their feeds, strange thoughts fill my head... “Are my pictures not light and airy enough?” “Should I ditch the artsy stuff and dedicate 100% of this feed to Lydia?” “Am I too moody & emotional and it turns people off?” The funny thing is, I have answers to why I do what I do. I create art that ignites my imagination & fits my creative style—which is largely spontaneous and fiercely obstinate about the everyday beauty being enough. I share my boys, my husband, my words, in addition to Lydia because this is my account and my story—I don’t want to take over her voice, use her as a means, or ignore every other aspect of our lives besides Down syndrome. I’m moody in editing and content because I have a melancholy soul 😂 Kidding. That’s just what we jokingly call it. Really, I appreciate the light AND the shadows, the lessons that come from difficult experiences, & above all authenticity. Turns out none of this makes me a blockbuster IG influencer. That can be painful when I see families I know jump from 1,000 followers to 25,000; when the popular DS mamas have get togethers and it’s documented on 5 accounts, when photographer friends make $$$ and host panels on Clubhouse for the masses. I haven’t decided if I just don’t have enough hustle, if I need lessons in social appeal, or if I just walk my own unique path.
BUT then I remind myself of my goals: make things that help me recognize the beauty in my own world; help others understand multiple real aspects of knowing/living with someone with special needs; have an outlet for my forms of creative expression; & finally, share with those it resonates with. So if you are here for that, for me, thanks.
