The other day she reached out to hold my hand and I looked down at her open palm—the single crease across her palm grinning up at me. Most of us have multiple lines cross-crossing our palms, but it’s an attribute of Down syndrome to have just one. That crease is commonly known by a derisive name: simian crease, after monkeys; also a slur applied to racial & ethnic minority groups, and my daughter. Commonly—in medical rooms like it’s nothing. On diagrams. In textbooks. “You see it? The s—crease?”
Those are the terms mothers are introduced to when presented with their beautiful babies. The “signs.” I was. “Do you see?” Instant fear and loathing of the differences. It’s taught. It takes years to overcome.
Fast forward.
It’s been a heck of a two weeks. My girl went through her first pacemaker replacement surgery. If she lives to be sixty, we’ll go through 10 of these things. Heart moms try to take one day at a time and never look too far ahead—because it’s a lot. But every once in a while you catch a glimpse.
The surgery went perfectly. 🙏🏻 And so our clock begins again. Following her surgery, we had a week of severe allergic reaction to some of the topical medication they had applied to her, and that was a sad ordeal, but we came through it, and now my girl is doing great—healing well and back to her fully-animated self. 💛
You never take it for granted. You never forget. All the times we’ve hung by a thread. All the times we’ve fought for her—inside the hospital & out. I’ve enjoyed 2 1/2 weeks of having her home through this—listening to her play, listening to her sing, welcoming her bursts into my room… Everything is sweeter juxtaposed as it often is with the hard.
So when she took my hand, and I looked down and saw that beautiful warm flesh crossed with its one line of destiny, my heart swelled. Because six years later I know so much more. I know what is real and true and good. I know what “fortune” really means. No ugly prejudice fills my mind, now. I saw her palm, sweet symbol of personality and life, took her hand, and said, “You’re here!! Thank you for still being HERE! You are a gift. And we have so much more to learn on this journey. Lead on.”
