It is January. Driving to school I notice the sun has turned the mountains pink. Lydia cheers, “Wheee!” as we turn sharply left into the elementary school parking lot. I park & open her door to get her out of her car seat. She flaps her hands & grins in a burst of enthusiasm. “Oh! Excited!” I laugh. “Excited!” She repeats. We put on her backpack & I walk her across the crosswalk where her aide is waiting on the other side. Halfway there, Lydia spots this woman she loves, points, and her face erupts into her triple-sized grin. “Hey, you!” her aide responds, smiling & holding out her arms to welcome my girl. “Oh to be greeted like that every day,” I think, “Oh to be loved by Lydia.”
It is noon, now, & I am filling out a formal autism assessment; part of the intake process for ABA therapy. The assessment is separated into 12 parts & I have been told to schedule 2 hours to complete it. I have completed this particular form before, & many like it, & find the process agonizing. I scroll through page after page growing increasingly demoralized.
“Does your child tell you about their day?”
Usually / Sometimes / Never
Can they button their clothes?
Feed themselves?
Understand the concept of money?
Stay safe around streets?
Express their needs in sentences?
Plan parties?
Play pretend with friends?
Usually? Sometimes? Never?
I am crying, now.
It is 2 pm. School is almost out. I am waiting in the pickup line. I cross the sidewalk & there’s a tiny face in a giant coat; a little form 1/2 the size of every other child, turned & waiting just for me. She smiles & grabs my hand and we cross back to the car where I put her in her car seat & she grins as I hand her a favorite toy which she greets by name. “I missed you!” I tell her. “Did you have a good day?” She doesn’t answer in words, but her body language tells me everything I need to know. They love her here. They see her here.
Yes, there are goals & we quantify things, but those who know Lydia & anyone like her understand that we are so much more than numbers on a chart. Than answers A B or C on a test. We are love & light & personalities & experiences all rolled into one. Not never or sometimes, but always. Always.
