Let me tell you about the medical mom spiral. Lydia’s birthday is coming up, which means that blessed time of year when I get together with her many therapists and teachers in a meeting called an IEP and we assess her progress and needs and set individualized developmental goals. It can be a painful process of evaluating in specific detail the many “cans” and “can’ts” of her accomplishments. We miss a lot of school, especially in the fall and winter when sickness runs rampant (and this year has been a doozy). So come IEP time, her therapists are always like, “Well, we haven’t seen her for awhile…” and my spiral of doom begins. (Technically I’m always spinning, but this little ceremony seems to accelerate things 🙃) Here’s how it goes:
“We’re not doing enough. She’s not getting nearly enough therapy. She’s falling even MORE behind.
BUT I haven’t been able to send her to school. She’s sick, and it takes at least 3 weeks for her to get over a cold.
BUT I could be doing more therapy at home if I got my act together.
BUT I am so overwhelmed and she needs more help, more skilled therapists, a stronger support team than just me—we both do!
Is this school the right choice for her? Do we have the right therapists, the right diagnoses, the right supports in place?? What do I even look for? I’m the mom, I’m her advocate. I have to figure this out…
She needs MORE therapy.
BUT she’s sick all the time.
She’ll just go at her own pace…
She’s falling behind!!
I’m failing her…”
On and on etc forever and ever amen. Usually ending in me crash purchasing an insane amount of therapy toys online and drowning my broken heart in Netflix until midnight when I curse myself, creep into her room to check her oxygen saturation levels (because she’s sick), say a million prayers that it will be better tomorrow, and fall asleep.
Oh I love you baby girl. We WILL figure it out… someday.
