On this last day of Down Syndrome Awareness Month, I want to chime in one more time about what a blessing this girl is in our lives. I don’t think I can articulate or even count all the ways she has changed me. Perhaps it’s best illustrated by an example that is hard but I think important to share. When she was brand new & I was deep in shock & despair, I would look at her & mourn several of her features that were markers of Down syndrome. The shape of her eyes; her nose; the back of her head & neck; her little ears. Of course the oxygen tubing (not itself a marker of DS, but evidence of her heart conditions) that created a stir every time we went out in public. Every once in awhile she would make an expression that jumped out at me as very obviously physically emphasizing the attributes of Down syndrome. I was forever worried about what made her different & how others would see her/be critical of her. Over time, however, I fell in love with MY baby—not the one I thought I would get or the preconceived notions of what I thought her life would be like… but my very own, unique, fully-her-own person, Lydia. It changed everything. She was always surrounded by a bubble of divine peace, & I was welcomed into it—learned to savor & lean into it. She had ways of communicating with me with her eyes & her soul that I had never experienced so strongly with my other children. She needed me fiercely—and she trusted me even more—imperfect, broken mommy though I was. She was filled with joy, tease, sass, fight, & love. She was absolutely everything I could ever want my daughter to be, and more. My eyes changed. They actually CHANGED. I found myself seeing pictures of babies on social media, & I struggled to tell whether they had DS or not. Dan experienced the same thing. Somehow, by learning to look past the markers to love the full person, we lost much of our ability to see any markers at all. I don’t know how to describe the experience other than that. We had to LOOK for DS because we had learned that all of those differences that had at first filled us with fear & sorrow weren’t actually indicative of truly significant things, at all. That is the gift.
That is what has changed who I am, the most. This is what has made me a better mother, Christian, and friend: the eyes to SEE and LOVE. God & Lydia shared them with me; their eyes are already perfect. Some of us have to learn to see. I’m so grateful for the ways the gift has opened my eyes, my world, and my heart. It’s been hard, but it has also been incomparably beautiful. I hope that as I share here, the same magic will be worked for you… that your eyes will see fewer differences and more people/souls. It’s been the greatest gift, and one our world desperately needs. 💛
