They were playing Pooh Sticks.
People ask me where we go when I take these... nowhere exotic. Happy little haunts disguised as a boring field on the side of a road; a local bog; a short trail up the canyon 15 min from our house; a park down the street; our front yard. They bring their imaginations, I bring my camera.
Blur
The blurry, distorted, realism meets otherworldly images from my lensbaby are my current quarantine mood. As much of the world comes out of lockdown, we are still here for awhile, living in the parallel yet divergent universe of high risk. It is simultaneously lonely and serene. Hanging out in limbo, holding on to each other, and escaping into nature as much as we can.
Two Boys
So grateful they have each other.
The Heart of It
The world in chaos and it always comes back to this. This is where our hearts beat and hope lives. Protected by love until that’s all we have left. It’s you, darling, and it always will be.
Details
A series of details. Tiny braids, tiny hands, tiny (but mighty!) toes, and my beautiful girl. 💛
Alchemy
Making magic out of dirt.
Billowing
Getting our hands dirty.
Summer in Sight
Racing to the end of school like...
~10 days of online school instruction left, my peeps. 🙏🏻👊🏻
Motherhood
To mothers & motherhood. The biggest source of earthly growth & love I know. 💛
Showing Up
My soul is dusty.
In the chaos, the exhaustion, the holding all things together—I either fell apart myself, or was placed on a shelf until further notice. Not out of spite or neglect; by necessity. There isn’t time, there isn’t space, there isn’t energy to be a person, anymore. We only do and survive. Today, yesterday, tomorrow.
I wrote a mantra on my mirror a couple months ago. It’s there as a declaration as well as a reminder to myself. “When I show up, I make meaningful art.” Some days I don’t know what I’m making or why, but I keep trying to show up just the same.
Maybe someday I’ll look back and see art. Maybe someday I’ll see the meaning in all this madness. Maybe someday life will be normal, again. Keep. showing. up.
Happy Hour
Me: I am rarely happier than when I watch my kids play in nature.
Dan: During golden hour.
😆 #truth
Planting
So many wishes.
Salute
State-wide jet flyover to honor medical personnel. 💛
When Change is Hard
After sharing a series of stories about how coronavirus is here to stay and we need to face that rather than live in denial/waste time longing for normal (still believe that), my mind has turned to the most challenging experience of my life: when Lydia was born. How that new reality crushed me at first and seemed to completely change, even shatter, everything I had expected or hoped for in her life and mine. How I was faced with a new normal that I wanted to run from or escape. But there was no going back. And that was a very painful reality for awhile—one that periodically issues waves of sorrow that wash over me, still. So when I look at it in that light, my heart softens a little. This is hard. This is a change. There is no going back (at least immediately). And that hurts a whole lot and deserves to be mourned. Maybe repeatedly and for a long time.
At the same time, life still has to be faced. You might have to go through the open heart surgery while you’re still reeling from the extra chromosome, and you barely know which way is up, let alone forward, anymore. You may wonder how you will ever, ever make it, it’s so hard—even as your perspective & ability grow to meet the new normal. Even as you learn to appreciate real beauty where you least expected to find it.
“The only constant in life is change.” In spite of the upheaval and pain and hard we walked (crawled) through following Lydia’s birth, that paradigm shift has been one of my greatest blessings, sources of growth and even joy.
Maybe this virus & the fallout can be the same?
It hurts. And that’s ok. We’ll have to be patient with and help each other. We can’t go back; it is what it is. And we’ll get through it.
Sunshine
Getting out and going for a drive.
April 2020
April. It’s so weird that this is the year I finally committed to the 365 when it’s such a unique year to document! I have a lot to catch up on, but this gives some good representation.
Brief Moment
This is exactly what we did not do, today: relax 😆 But, the house is clean and the day ended with climbing trees & eating cinnamon rolls, so we’re just going to forget all the (really, really) bumpy parts and hang on to that.
Team Spirit
The one where Lydie was a cheerleader. 🎉
The Good Stuff
Sunsets. Spring. Play. Beauty. Grace.
These are the things we hang on to, moment by moment.
Milestones
Things we are working on right now!
Climbing stairs.
Standing.
Eating different textures.
Signing words.
Petting softly.
Tolerating other humans besides just Mom. 😂
Also, we have discovered the secret to overcoming the bum scoot in favor of crawling: grass!!
