Six feet apart. Closed. Drive-thru only. Shelter in place. Social distancing. So much focus on space and I have never felt more claustrophobic. But when I get outside I *almost* forget. And I’m happy.
“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.”
-John Muir
Lydie and Daddy
Earth and Sky
Wistful
I’ve been staring at myself, looking for answers.
Maybe some retail therapy.
Maybe a favorite snack.
Maybe some exercise? A book? Something artistic? Finishing a task?
I don’t know. I’ve tried it all.
Maybe I’ll just sit in the discomfort and stare at it for awhile. Let it be. Acknowledge. Become friends.
And finally move on.
As a Rule
Pin us inside and we will go crazy.
Let us explore and our hearts run free.
The Ups and Downs
Monday, amiright?
Favorites
Dan, outrageous flare, and Lydie. Let’s just put all my favorite things in one image, shall we? 💛
Swipe for the non-hazed out version.
Frolic
Desperate soul needed this, today.
Mine. It was mine.
Teacher Parade
The teachers from our elementary school participated in a drive-thru neighborhood parade, this morning. As I watched my boys’ excitement to see them, noted their good friends carefully separated and calling to them from across the street, and heard their teachers shouting encouragement and my boys’ names as they drove by... I cried.
Improvising
It’s been a rough transition back from spring break to homeschool. We are now online for the rest of the year. Sooooooooo, Mama gonna have to work out a better routine 😬
Flashback to Pruning
I think we lost a lot of fruit on our fruit trees in the freeze last night 😩
Easter Thoughts
It’s hard to express what the significance of this day means to me. In short, everything. I have had more time to ponder, this year. I have considered the Passover and the significance of the Israelites turning to their Lord for deliverance as the destroying angel passed through Egypt. How today, in this modern day plague, I empathize with their plight and also turn to Him. I have thought of those closest to Him, His disciples: Judas who betrayed, Peter who denied, and Thomas who disbelieved, and wondered how I can soften my heart and always remember Him. I have looked at my family, those I love most, and celebrated that He truly is “the resurrection and the life,” and what that means for us, individually. I have been grateful, again, for our merciful, powerful God. I believe in His deliverance, I love Him, and I praise Him.
. . “Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. [...]
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. [...] In this life or the next, Sunday will come.” (Joseph Wirthlin)
.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.
He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. 💛
Awesome
Honestly I don’t know how they come up with this stuff, but there’s an odd sense of pride that comes from knowing your kids are relentlessly weird.
This week that included fashioning a bike/sled transportation device so they could haul straw around the neighborhood and try to build a fort with it.
I was pretty impressed 😂
Adventurous
It was actually a very tall tree. 😳
Cute Girl
Thursday’s are for Lydies.
Actually, everyday calls for Lydie. 🥰
Perspective gained
20 months. That’s the collected amount of time I’ve spent in quarantine with Lydia during her first 2 years of life. In fact, we’ve been doing that all this winter and March & April have been floating on my horizon as the dawn of freedom for months, now. A sluggish dawn that’s yet to come.
When you say you miss your family, I get it. Unable to attend weddings, reunions, parties, social gatherings. The sacrifices you make. The things that are lost. Your weary heart breaking in new ways each day. It’s a deep and lonely place, it truly is. You are brave for being here. You are brave when you don’t give up.
In all our months of previous quarantine, I had grandparents on call to help—crucial as Lydia was quarantined even from her brothers. I had neighbors who arranged play dates with my boys to give me a break. There were parks, and school, and soccer teams. I didn’t see much of those things, myself, but my kids did. And it mattered. What I didn’t have, however, were many people who could relate.
Now, there is no external help. There aren’t very many distractions. If you’re feeling like it’s hard, I’m here to reaffirm: yes, it is!!
BUT. We have each other. And I don’t know if you realize what a gift that is unless you’ve gone through this wasteland before... alone.
Before our experience with Lydia, I never fully appreciated the battles some people go through. The desperate loneliness of being home bound. The crippling fear of vulnerable health. Steep financial obligations you are desperate to pay. I knew these things existed, but from an objective, removed standpoint. I knew but I didn’t truly feel and understand. Not for days and weeks and months and years, at least. Not for real.
Things can get personal, really fast.
How strange it is to go through a crisis as a global community. It is both heart-wrenching and unifying. It leaves me broken but strengthened. And softened.
From those of us who’ve walked this path before, let us reassure you, now:
It will not last forever. It DOES end. And when you do get out after however long it will be, the sun and sky and people’s faces will have never looked so good to you. I promise. I PROMISE. And I can also promise that you will never be the same.
You will see and experience and live it all—MORE.
And hopefully... hopefully, we’ll remember. Because for some, the next hospital stay is always looming. There are some who wake up and go to bed every day, alone. Some walk broken and grasping beside us and we have never really looked or seen, before.
Here’s hoping that, when this specific experience is over, it’s not just our schedules that will change, but our hearts and eyes, as well. Forever.
What a year
If you want to know how my 365 is going amidst a global pandemic, the answer is, it’s rough 😜 Anyone else?
How come I didn’t commit to the world’s longest “days I’ve worn leggings in a row” streak, this year? 🤔
Closer
Can we talk about the new normal? I have seen so many ways people are showing up for each other. Meeting new family additions through windows. Drive by, honk & wave & cheer birthday celebrations, homecomings, and even wedding receptions (!). People sewing masks and hats, and companies donating materials. Engineering students at MIT working on a ventilator solution—anonymously. Neighborhoods drawing pictures/leaving messages on their windows, sidewalks, and local trails for encouragement. Groceries & gifts being dropped off, and texts/calls/video check ins to make sure people are ok. Ordering things from small businesses to ease their financial burdens. Healthcare workers giving time, themselves, and all they have. Also teachers, and grocery store workers, public safety officials, and parents. Nationwide, religion wide, even worldwide prayers and fasting. Today I read about someone donating a pulse oximeter to someone who is very sick. Many people have individually reached out to my family to let us know they are thinking of, praying for, and there for us.
These are sad and desperate and trying times! But wow, people are beautiful. It’s amazing that, even though we are apart, in some ways we’re the closest we’ve ever been. 💛
Light in the Darkness
I have read a lot of inspiring posts, lately. I love to seek the common ground shared by so many GOOD people—and people are really coming together right now. I don’t often talk about specific tenets of my faith (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—aka Mormon), here, but I was thinking about something yesterday morning that I think is very applicable to all Christians in these times. There was a boy. He lived in tumultuous times. His large family and many others really struggled economically. People in society were loud and opinionated and argued a lot; sometimes they were cruel to each other, and it was hard for him. Sometimes he felt vulnerable or even unsafe physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He felt overcome by darkness and longed for light. Really longed for it.
I relate to this boy. Perhaps you can sometimes, too?
Not knowing what to do, he read the scriptures and turned to God. And God gave him individual peace and specific direction. It lifted and healed him.
I love that story. I love that God “reaches our reaching” wherever we are and cares about us as individuals. I love that He can always offer light in the darkness, even when things are very hard. He’s done that for me many times. I don’t know how I’d get through life without it. Religion is a huge part of my life, and the primary tenet of my faith is that when you are in trouble, Jesus Christ can reach and help you in individual, specific, relevant & current ways. He is the best one—the ultimate one—to turn to.
I feel like the world is (obviously) in chaos right now and it’s hard for me to tune out the noise, slow down, focus on what is important/most needful, experience peace and connect with God. But I’m going to try harder. Because I really need His light, comfort, & answers and He really is there to give them.
Using Our Time Wisely
Another weekend “field trip” is in order, I believe. Or at least the backyard.
